Why I Love and Reread Siddhartha

Introduction

I've read Siddhartha every year since I first read it in 2010. It's a short and easy read. My relationship with the book says more about me than the book, especially who I was when I first read Siddhartha.

I usually read it in one to a few days. I enjoy it. I often fast. I reflect on how and why I'm unsatisfied with my life; how and why I'm seeking or thirsting for something else; how and why I'm living a meaningful life. As life and time passes, I forget my ambition and desire to think, fast, and wait. I return to my baseline, pretty much the hedonic treadmill.

Where I Was

I was 27 years old when I first read Siddhartha. I related with the young man Siddhartha's quest and dissatisfaction in life.

I wasn't as extreme as Siddhartha, but I was righteous and idealistic. My family and friends were proud of me. I served four years in the military after graduating high school. I graduated college four years after that. I was a milder version of Christopher McCandless (see why I love Into the Wild). I hitch hiked for fun. I backpacked and road tripped around the country on summer breaks. The Mark Twain quote was my life motto, “In twenty years you'll be more disappointed with the things you didn't do than the things you did: live, sail, explore.”

My Transformation Part 1

(8-2 years prior to Siddhartha) Part one of my young adulthood, I was an exercise junkie and party animal. I was a product of my environment, and I didn’t realize how abnormal my friends’ and my drinking was. Running and working out were my primary sober activities.

My Transformation Part 2

(2-0.5 years prior to Siddhartha)

Part two of my young adulthood, the party animal was replaced with an experience junkie. Traveling and site seeing overtook partying. In addition, living a meaningful and socially impactful life became increasingly important with time.

My third year of college I had a Norwegian neighbor. We became good friends. Through him, I enjoyed meeting people from other cultures.

After graduating college, I spent the summer backpacking Europe. In Europe, I acquired a prejudice for Europeans from the backpackers and friends I met. I saw Europe as culturally and intellectually superior to the US. The people I knew, and was comparing from the US, were socioeconomically different from the people I met in Europe. I failed to recognize how I was creating assortative relationships with people who were backpackers and travelers. I concluded that Europeans were smarted, more thoughtful, and better people than Americans. That might be true for some measures, but I was creating imaginary distinctions and using selection biases and confirmation biases.

On a Norwegian cruise, I met a girl. We traveled together. We fell in love. This was the first time in my life I was in love. At the time I thought I lacked emotions and was abnormal. Falling in love was emotionally and psychologically a major milestone in my development.

Before I returned home from Europe, I was determined to leave the US again as soon as possible. I wanted to be more like the Europeans I envisioned. I wanted to be smarter and more cultured. So when I got home, I started reading books. Reading books was the smart thing to do.

At that time, I could easily have counted all the books I'd read in my life, close to 10. There were three books that had a large impacts on me: It's Not About the Bike, Jarhead, and Into the Wild. I started with books like The Alchemist, The Celestine Prophecy, and The Little Prince. I got hooked. The more I read, the more I wanted to read. As my reading and vocabulary skills improved, it further fueled my desire to read. (In hindsight, it's embarrassing to US lower and higher education that I graduated with the reading and writing skills I had when I graduated.)

(6-1 month prior to reading Siddhartha)

I was in a long distance relationship with a European. I applied to the Peace Corps after I realized the US government would be the only organization that would support me overseas. Peace Corps had several placements in Easter Europe that would unite me, well closer, with the girl I loved. While I waited, I read and grew more unsatisfied with American life and culture.

In less than two months of long distance, the so called love of my life dumped me. I was in denial and moderately depressed. Reading was the best medicine. Peace Corps was Plan A: go back to Europe and reconnect with my true love (yes, I was that naive). As the process dragged, I slowly realized my previous relationship was done. Plan B was to teach science in the US.

I returned to college to attain the qualifications for Plan B: to teach science. Taking physics and astronomy, along with reading philosophical fiction, led me to recalculate my beliefs. In Europe, I remember thinking everything in my life happened for a reason. There was a something guiding my purpose in life. I doubt I believed in a God at the time, and I definitely didn't believe in any religion. I never believed in any religion. (In boot camp, I didn’t know what my religion was. I copied a Marine in front of me.) Still, I was a spiritual person, especially about running, nature, and experiencing life to the fullest.

Once I fully grasped that I wouldn't be getting back together with my first love, I went from believing everything happened for a reason to seriously questioning whether the universe had any meaning.

This is roughly where I was when I first read Siddhartha.

I Saw Myself in Siddhartha

Like millions of others, I empathized with Siddhartha. Even more, I related and saw myself in Siddhartha. I was a young man trying to find myself, trying to find my path and purpose, trying to find a meaningful life. I was unsatisfied with my society, culture, country, and daily life. I was split between wanting to help people and wanting to live a simple life. I wanted to be one with nature, a good steward, and help others realize what I realized.

It's a shame I wasn't writing when I first read Siddhartha. I'm not sure how well my memory will match what I first thought. I know my dad and brother, neither readers, both read Siddhartha because of me.

When the narrator described Siddhartha's dissatisfaction, I must have felt similar. I wasn't interested in what my family, friends, and society had to offer me. I wanted to find myself, my passion, and my purpose. I was similarly cocky and arrogant. (Until my recent read, I thought Siddhartha was a universal character, with dilemmas that everyone could relate. I realize my connection is more personal than universal.)

As I read Siddhartha, I took the book everywhere just in case there was a chance to read. At the gym, I'd read a paragraph or two between sets.

Every time Siddhartha learned and experienced something, it made perfect sense. Teachers cannot pass wisdom. We should pay attention and appreciate the world around us. “To think, to wait, to fast” was the best thing one could do. Live a simple life. Love everyone and everything. See everything as impermanent. We should “love the world, not despise it.”

Hesse's writing spoke directly to me. I ironically possessed wisdom from the book that stated wisdom cannot be transferred. I wanted to be like Siddhartha. That continued for years.

Vasudeva > Siddhartha

As I approach 40 years old, I admire Vasudeva more each read. What was his journey? Besides his wife's death, what else did he “have to” suffer? I want to listen like Vasudeva. I want to be a poor old banana eater who is as wise as the Buddha. A content and happy old man who radiates the light.

My last few reads I have grown more critical of Siddhartha. Not just the young, arrogant Siddhartha, but even the old wise Siddhartha. He is too content, complacent even. His acceptance of the world is a step too far. Vaseudeva confronted Siddhartha when Siddhartha struggled to raise his son. Vaseudeva gave unsolicited advice and criticized Siddhartha. But when Govinda seeked Siddhartha, Govinda had to pester Siddhartha for advice and explanations. This small gap in Siddhartha may be a flaw in Hermann Hesse, who lived a life of isolation. A difficult person who preferred painting and writing. Or, more simply, it may be my bias towards helping others. I'm not sure I could be content or happy as an old man Siddhartha. I'll have to wait and see.

Why Do I keep Reading Siddhartha

I love the book. I love the story and philosophy. It's an easy read. If one is focused and without distractions, an average reader can finish Siddhartha in 4-6 hours.

After 12-13 years, I have yet to lose interest in Siddhartha. I read it twice in the last two months of 2022, and the book was as engaging as ever. I've started to dig deeper into Hesse's influences, Hinduism, and similar philosophical ideas. I look forward to reading it again in 2023.

Other Siddhartha Writings and Discussions by Jimbo

• Siddhartha on the Hedonic Treadmill
• The First Sentence: Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
• The Small Gap
• Jimbo on What People Do
• Siddhartha Book Club 2023

Why I Love Into the Wild

I'm in debt to Jon Krakauer, Christopher McCandless, and Into the Wild. This was my fifth or sixth time reading Into the Wild. My previous read was close to 10 years ago. Since then I've learned so much more about so many things. I feel like a very different person now (this could be false, of course), but surprisingly I had a very similar reaction to Into the Wild.

This year, I decided to eventually reread all of my five star rated books. I follow the goodreads.com rating system, so a four star book is "I really liked it" and five star is "it was amazing." I'm a stickler for words, especially words like amazing. Amazing is a word that should be sparingly used, and I expect to downgrade many of my five star ratings. Currently, about ten percent of my rated books are five stars, and my average rating is 3.27. 

Into the Wild will not be a downgraded. I love Into the Wild. The structure of the book feels a bit cliche now. So many writers use quotes to start chapters and tell nonlinear stories, but it works. Krakauer is a master of his craft. Having heard a few Krakauer interviews and reading a few of his other books, I know how much time and effort he put into the organization of the story and ideas. It is as perfect as a writer can hope to achieve.

When I first read Into the Wild, I was about McCandless' age when he died. I related to everything. I agreed with McCandless and shared his ambitions to live life fully and be a good person. I read Into the Wild before my spring break. When spring break hit, I hit the road. I hitch hiked to Los Angeles then to Las Vegas. It was frustrating exhilarating. Even the waiting for rides and having to eventually fly home from Vegas after a failed day of hitch hiking, it all felt worth it. Some of the random people and conversation I had remain with me today.

Into the Wild, along with a liberal college education, a couple philosophy courses, and living the poor college student life, led me to appreciate a more ascetic lifestyle. The less I had, the happier I felt. I started backpacking. I became more intense about living life by a more vigorous standard which was also more rewarding. I'd revisit the book multiple times in my 20s. I was, what a friend labeled me as, an experience junkie.

Most importantly, it had a huge impact on who I am today. Into the Wild gave me reasons to value reading. Becoming a reader took a while. I made a scrap paper bookmark list of all the books that McCandless and Krakauer mentioned. I carried that scrap paper around several states and at least a couple continents. I didn't read all the books, but it implanted a seed to read. And that seed flourished into a decent tree, a tree with many branches and hundreds of leaves.

War and Peace was the monumental book on that list. I'd love to recall what I thought about War and Peace before and after reading it. I remember thinking it was one of the longest books ever written (it's not!) and that is about it. 1,500 pages (depending on the version) was a daunting obstacle to me. But McCandless' love for War and Peace rubbed off. I wanted to know why MecCandless told his friend Wayne, "That is a very powerful and highly symbolic book. It has things in it that I think you will understand. Things that escape most people." I wanted to understand it. It took me several years and many books before I tackled War and Peace. It is another one of my favorite books. I'm rereading it as I write this review. (Click here for my reread response to War and Peace)

In 2021, I'm closer to Krakurer's age when he wrote Into the Wild. I see McCandless through a different lens. He is more radical, too risk seeking, and stubborn. My last reading, I was a single Peace Corps volunteer in my late 20s. This time, I'm a married homeowner, barely employed/part time substitute teacher, stay at home-ish spouse/dad, and dog owner in my late 30s. I've learned more about every aspect in life. I'm more moderate in my ideas and values. I have more knowledge and interest in philosophy, economics, statistics, psychology, evolution, and science in general. I'm a superior thinker than I was. Still, the story is as readable, relatable, and relevant as it was in my 20s. It is easy to remember who I was and why I loved and still love this book so much.

Although I disagree with McCandless's take on man's spirit, the following quote, and similar quotes, inspire me. They make me regret falling deep into a society. Something in me is trying to scream out. I can faintly hear it. I can't listen, but maybe I can feed the urges a couple times a year. 

McCandless' advice is terrible. Unless someone had prior interest in this type of lifestyle, I wouldn't advise anyone follow a "helter-skelter style of life." People can find meaning and beauty potentially anywhere. Living in solitude in a nice house isn't what I'd advise either, and Ron probably needed a push back to a more meaningful life, but he had a lot of other options too. With that said, I'm one of the unhappy people with their circumstances. I long for more nature and less civilization, more adventure and less monotony, but I have other responsibilities. Otherwise rereading Into the Wild may have sent me on a trip.

McCandless' life and death makes the reader wonder. What would have McCandless become if he successfully walked out of his wilderness adventure? Would he be a more moderate family man, like me? Would he be a successful writer like Krakatau? Would he have died taking on another risky adventure? How many people successfully live adventurous lifestyles unknowingly and without fatal outcomes? How many others meet a fatal outcome without any mainstream media covering it? (I'm curious to explore the last two questions) It's hard to say. McCandless was approaching an age where young men start to recalculate the rewards of risky behaviors. He may have settled down and been one of those eccentric high school teacher that students love.

This is where Krakauer's perspective is perfect for telling McCandless' story. When I first read Into the Wild, I thought Krakauer was highjacking too much of the story with his personal experiences. It felt like distractions. Many critical responses to Into the Wild make that claim, and it's a bad and unfair critique. It is clear how well crafted the story is on critical examination. It is similarly clear how important Krakauer's life is to telling McCandless' story. Krakauer was a McCandless. Many of us were in some to many ways. The book includes other historical figures with tragic deaths trying to live off the land or be one with nature, etc. I love these stories too. McCandless and his tragic peers wanted more; they took risks; and they died living their ideals. They are romantic outdoor extremists. It is a fun paradox for readers to evaluate.

Over the summer I found the best explanation for McCandless and his tragic peers.

"His actions were hardly those of a sportsman... there is only one word for what was happening in Hans Castorp's soul: defiance." 

Hans Castorp is the fictional protagonist in Thomas Mann's The Magic Mountain (another five star book). Castorp was a 20 year old who spends 7 years at a sanatorium in the Swiss Alps. Castorp experienced a near death hallucination after ignoring the warning signs of a blizzard. In addition to being ill equipped for his adventure, Castorp used awful judgement. He should have died, but his story is for another book review. Castorp is a McCandless. And his defiance, in the chapter titled "Snow," should be paired with McCandless' death. I will always read "Snow" with Into the Wild. When Krakuaer speculates on McCandless' death, pause, and go read the chapter "Snow" from The Magic Mountain.

Into the Wild is a story of defiance. You cannot understand McCandless or his peers without defiance. It's defiance against society, cultural norms, familial expectation, etc.

Defiant readers should love Into the Wild. If you were defiant, want to be defiant, or know defiant people, then Into the Wild is for you. If you liked Into the Wild, I strongly recommend rereading it and reading Jon Krakauer's other books. 

I recently read The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit by Michael Finkel. This is another excellent story about a McCandless type character.