This year I'm reading the Dover Thrift Editions translated by Stanley Appelbaum, but most of my quotes are copied and pasted from the Standard Ebook, click here to read it free online.
The River
The story started by a river. Siddhartha crossed the river after awakening. Now the river marks another chapter in Siddhatha's life. He is reborn, no longer a rich man living the life style of the rich he's always despised.
Govinda
What does it mean that Govinda cannot recognize Siddhartha? Govinda is blind to what's in front of him, unlike Siddhartha. Govind is supposed to protect Siddhartha's sleep, but then he himself falls asleep. Govinda quickly abandons his childhood friend once Siddhartha wakes up even though it is clear Govinda doesn't have much going on either. Does this feel right.Is Govinda so disgusted with Siddhartha's appearance and apparent selling out that he doesn't care to catch up or talk with his old best friend?
Sleep Death Rebirth
Siddhartha wanted to die. He hit his rock bottom. The river snaps him out of it and he sleeps then Siddhartha is reborn. Many cultures have compared sleep and death. In Eastern philosophies and religions, souls are reincarnated after death. So death is part of the cycle and rebirth. Death is a sleep between lives, before rebirth.
Each sleep, is a opportunity to redirect ones life. To dream or experience a state of subconsciousness.is a mini rebirth. Sleep resets the conscious mind. Siddhartha's dreams and sleep have given him a reset. He is reborn, in a transitory phase.
Part I
Day 1, 20 Dec- Chapter 1: "The Son of the Brahmin"
Day 2, 21 Dec- Chapter 2: "With the Samanas"
Day 3, 22 Dec- Chapter 3: "Gotama"
Day 4, 23 Dec- Chapter 4: "Awakening"
Part II
Day 5, 24 Dec- Chapter 5: "Kamala"
Day 6, 25 Dec- Chapter 6: "With the Childlike People"
Day 7, 26 Dec- Chapter 7: "Sansara"
Day 8, 27 Dec- Chapter 8: "By the River"
Day 9, 28 Dec- Chapter 9: "The Ferryman"
Day 10, 29 Dec- Chapter 10: "The Son"
Day 11, 30 Dec- Chapter 11: "Om"
Day 12, 31 Dec- Chapter 12: "Govinda"
"Things were going downhill for him, and now once again he stood in the world empty, naked, and stupid. But he was unable to feel sorrow over it; no, he event felt a great urge to laugh, to laugh at himself, to laugh at this strange, foolish world. ... as he said this, his glance fell on the river, and he saw the river going downward, too, moving constantly downstream, but singing merrily as it went."
ReplyDeleteI am before this. I am sleeping before Govinda awakens me. Life is like this after you've tried to learn to be a wise man or to get answers ... and you've tried the courtesans and the jobs and the money and the security ... and then you find yourself, like Siddhartha, gray-haired and going downhill/downstream and you clearly don't know anything. Like a child-thing! This is where I'm near. I'm not laughing yet, but shaking off the expectations and what had gone on before and recognizing the river goes downhill here, and the old ways of things don't work.
Just, maybe, waiting, thinking, fasting ... ?
I think, also, a few weeks ago, I was nursing thoughts of suicide, which is where Siddhartha is himself. You have to hit the bottom again, some comforting sense that you still have control, that it all could go away, to laugh again ... to try again ... but from a new mind, some child-mind, outside of the old ways.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear that. Please feel free to contact me if you have those thoughts again.
DeleteI read a very interesting book by an amateur on anti-natalism (having kids may not be moral) and suicide (everyone should have the right, and it's not as crazy as it sounds). I think one trick is to hold thoughts of suicide lightly. My favorite thought experiment is, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself, why not go do whatever you want, now that nothing matters, and come back tomorrow and see how you feel then?" I do things like, get into therapy, do something fun, read and make myself cry, start a healthy habit ... just ... hit the bottom, the way Siddhartha does. You're rejuvenated a bit when you hit the bottom. You can't pretend anymore. Now you know: Oh, look, the bottom! And the best part, for me, is that these episodes of feeling failure and sad and exhausted and numb seldom come with some terrible thing I did to someone else. It IS the benefit of being hard on yourself all the time: Beating up on yourself is terrible, but it's easier to make your peace with it when you hit the bottom. "Oh, I've only been mean to myself! Well, I can just ease up on that ... and no one got hurt in the process!"
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