Why I Love and Reread Siddhartha

Introduction

I've read Siddhartha every year since I first read it in 2010. It's a short and easy read. My relationship with the book says more about me than the book, especially who I was when I first read Siddhartha.

I usually read it in one to a few days. I enjoy it. I often fast. I reflect on how and why I'm unsatisfied with my life; how and why I'm seeking or thirsting for something else; how and why I'm living a meaningful life. As life and time passes, I forget my ambition and desire to think, fast, and wait. I return to my baseline, pretty much the hedonic treadmill.

Where I Was

I was 27 years old when I first read Siddhartha. I related with the young man Siddhartha's quest and dissatisfaction in life.

I wasn't as extreme as Siddhartha, but I was righteous and idealistic. My family and friends were proud of me. I served four years in the military after graduating high school. I graduated college four years after that. I was a milder version of Christopher McCandless (see why I love Into the Wild). I hitch hiked for fun. I backpacked and road tripped around the country on summer breaks. The Mark Twain quote was my life motto, “In twenty years you'll be more disappointed with the things you didn't do than the things you did: live, sail, explore.”

My Transformation Part 1

(8-2 years prior to Siddhartha) Part one of my young adulthood, I was an exercise junkie and party animal. I was a product of my environment, and I didn’t realize how abnormal my friends’ and my drinking was. Running and working out were my primary sober activities.

My Transformation Part 2

(2-0.5 years prior to Siddhartha)

Part two of my young adulthood, the party animal was replaced with an experience junkie. Traveling and site seeing overtook partying. In addition, living a meaningful and socially impactful life became increasingly important with time.

My third year of college I had a Norwegian neighbor. We became good friends. Through him, I enjoyed meeting people from other cultures.

After graduating college, I spent the summer backpacking Europe. In Europe, I acquired a prejudice for Europeans from the backpackers and friends I met. I saw Europe as culturally and intellectually superior to the US. The people I knew, and was comparing from the US, were socioeconomically different from the people I met in Europe. I failed to recognize how I was creating assortative relationships with people who were backpackers and travelers. I concluded that Europeans were smarted, more thoughtful, and better people than Americans. That might be true for some measures, but I was creating imaginary distinctions and using selection biases and confirmation biases.

On a Norwegian cruise, I met a girl. We traveled together. We fell in love. This was the first time in my life I was in love. At the time I thought I lacked emotions and was abnormal. Falling in love was emotionally and psychologically a major milestone in my development.

Before I returned home from Europe, I was determined to leave the US again as soon as possible. I wanted to be more like the Europeans I envisioned. I wanted to be smarter and more cultured. So when I got home, I started reading books. Reading books was the smart thing to do.

At that time, I could easily have counted all the books I'd read in my life, close to 10. There were three books that had a large impacts on me: It's Not About the Bike, Jarhead, and Into the Wild. I started with books like The Alchemist, The Celestine Prophecy, and The Little Prince. I got hooked. The more I read, the more I wanted to read. As my reading and vocabulary skills improved, it further fueled my desire to read. (In hindsight, it's embarrassing to US lower and higher education that I graduated with the reading and writing skills I had when I graduated.)

(6-1 month prior to reading Siddhartha)

I was in a long distance relationship with a European. I applied to the Peace Corps after I realized the US government would be the only organization that would support me overseas. Peace Corps had several placements in Easter Europe that would unite me, well closer, with the girl I loved. While I waited, I read and grew more unsatisfied with American life and culture.

In less than two months of long distance, the so called love of my life dumped me. I was in denial and moderately depressed. Reading was the best medicine. Peace Corps was Plan A: go back to Europe and reconnect with my true love (yes, I was that naive). As the process dragged, I slowly realized my previous relationship was done. Plan B was to teach science in the US.

I returned to college to attain the qualifications for Plan B: to teach science. Taking physics and astronomy, along with reading philosophical fiction, led me to recalculate my beliefs. In Europe, I remember thinking everything in my life happened for a reason. There was a something guiding my purpose in life. I doubt I believed in a God at the time, and I definitely didn't believe in any religion. I never believed in any religion. (In boot camp, I didn’t know what my religion was. I copied a Marine in front of me.) Still, I was a spiritual person, especially about running, nature, and experiencing life to the fullest.

Once I fully grasped that I wouldn't be getting back together with my first love, I went from believing everything happened for a reason to seriously questioning whether the universe had any meaning.

This is roughly where I was when I first read Siddhartha.

I Saw Myself in Siddhartha

Like millions of others, I empathized with Siddhartha. Even more, I related and saw myself in Siddhartha. I was a young man trying to find myself, trying to find my path and purpose, trying to find a meaningful life. I was unsatisfied with my society, culture, country, and daily life. I was split between wanting to help people and wanting to live a simple life. I wanted to be one with nature, a good steward, and help others realize what I realized.

It's a shame I wasn't writing when I first read Siddhartha. I'm not sure how well my memory will match what I first thought. I know my dad and brother, neither readers, both read Siddhartha because of me.

When the narrator described Siddhartha's dissatisfaction, I must have felt similar. I wasn't interested in what my family, friends, and society had to offer me. I wanted to find myself, my passion, and my purpose. I was similarly cocky and arrogant. (Until my recent read, I thought Siddhartha was a universal character, with dilemmas that everyone could relate. I realize my connection is more personal than universal.)

As I read Siddhartha, I took the book everywhere just in case there was a chance to read. At the gym, I'd read a paragraph or two between sets.

Every time Siddhartha learned and experienced something, it made perfect sense. Teachers cannot pass wisdom. We should pay attention and appreciate the world around us. “To think, to wait, to fast” was the best thing one could do. Live a simple life. Love everyone and everything. See everything as impermanent. We should “love the world, not despise it.”

Hesse's writing spoke directly to me. I ironically possessed wisdom from the book that stated wisdom cannot be transferred. I wanted to be like Siddhartha. That continued for years.

Vasudeva > Siddhartha

As I approach 40 years old, I admire Vasudeva more each read. What was his journey? Besides his wife's death, what else did he “have to” suffer? I want to listen like Vasudeva. I want to be a poor old banana eater who is as wise as the Buddha. A content and happy old man who radiates the light.

My last few reads I have grown more critical of Siddhartha. Not just the young, arrogant Siddhartha, but even the old wise Siddhartha. He is too content, complacent even. His acceptance of the world is a step too far. Vaseudeva confronted Siddhartha when Siddhartha struggled to raise his son. Vaseudeva gave unsolicited advice and criticized Siddhartha. But when Govinda seeked Siddhartha, Govinda had to pester Siddhartha for advice and explanations. This small gap in Siddhartha may be a flaw in Hermann Hesse, who lived a life of isolation. A difficult person who preferred painting and writing. Or, more simply, it may be my bias towards helping others. I'm not sure I could be content or happy as an old man Siddhartha. I'll have to wait and see.

Why Do I keep Reading Siddhartha

I love the book. I love the story and philosophy. It's an easy read. If one is focused and without distractions, an average reader can finish Siddhartha in 4-6 hours.

After 12-13 years, I have yet to lose interest in Siddhartha. I read it twice in the last two months of 2022, and the book was as engaging as ever. I've started to dig deeper into Hesse's influences, Hinduism, and similar philosophical ideas. I look forward to reading it again in 2023.

Other Siddhartha Writings and Discussions by Jimbo

• Siddhartha on the Hedonic Treadmill
• The First Sentence: Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
• The Small Gap
• Jimbo on What People Do
• Siddhartha Book Club 2023