"The Curse of Ham Scam"

 Genesis 9:20-27 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

20 Noah, a man of the soil, was the first to plant a vineyard. 21 He drank some of the wine and became drunk, and he lay uncovered in his tent. 22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. 23 Then Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father’s nakedness. 24 When Noah awoke from his wine and knew what his youngest son had done to him, 25 he said,“Cursed be Canaan; lowest of slaves shall he be to his brothers.”

26 He also said, “Blessed by the Lord my God be Shem; and let Canaan be his slave. 27 May God make space for[a] Japheth, and let him live in the tents of Shem; and let Canaan be his slave.”

 

Footnotes: Genesis 9:27 Heb yapht, a play on Japheth

"The Curse of Ham Scam"

Ham was the sexiest, strongest, fastest, and darkest man around. All the women wanted him, and these facts produced much hatred and jealousy from his brothers Shem and Jap. Shem and Jap were both pale, small dicked, men. One day they constructed a plan to sabotage their brother by telling their father he was gay.

"Father," Shem said, "bad news has come from Ham."

"What is it?" asked Noah.

"Father, Ham has exchanged sexual relations for that of the unnatural type."

Noah, being sober and righteous in God's eye, knew the truth. Disgraced Noah said, "Blessed be the Lord God of Ham! Cursed be Shem and Jap! servant of servants shall be unto your descendants."

---

Years passed. Noah became a vigneron. He perfected the craft. One morning, Noah drank too much and passed out in his tent. He was naked.

Meanwhile, Shem's and Jap's hated grew with each sunrise, meal, and sleep. For they knew their kin would be the servants to Ham's offspring. The brothers blamed Ham for the curse they brought upon themselves. One day a serpent approached Shem and Jap.

"Your father has drunken and has uncovered within his tent," said the serpent.

The two brothers looked confused for it was quite normal for their father to pass out in his nakedness.

"Go," said the serpent, "Tell he that Ham has saw his nakedness. He shall curse Ham and restore your sons to be the blessed of the Lord."

Without any hesitation, the two brothers went to their father's tent. They saw the nakedness of their father. Yes, Shem and Jap saw their father's nakedness.

"Brother," said Jap, "look at father's nut sack."

"Yes," said Shem, "His scrotum would make a sling fine enough for a shepard to take down a giant!"

"Let us use a cloth," said Jap.

Knowing their father was growing old, delusional, and drunk, the brothers shouldered a cloth and walked backward to cover their drunken father.

"What is going on?" said Noah. He was annoyed that someone was disturbing his nap.

"Father," Jap said, "Ham has saw the nakedness of his father!"

"What!?!" said Noah.

"I'm sorry, it is true father," said Shem. "Ham has told us."

In a belligerent rage, Noah jumped to his feet. And he said, "Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. Blessed be the Lord God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant!"

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For millennia, blacks have suffered brutal treatment for the curse of Ham. Many Jews, Christians, and Muslims have justified their inhumane behavior due to the curse from an old drunken man. In fact, it is the offspring of Shem and Jap, the whites, who deserved to be the servants of Africa. Kaepernick should be tweeting:

"I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses white people and people without color."