For 21st Century Daters

I missed out on online dating for a few reasons, so as a married father, online dating apps sound fun. I know dating is annoying among other unpleasant qualities, but it sounds fun, in theory at least. Over the last few years I have read or heard ideas where I thought I wish I knew that when I was single and trying to date.

Go on lots of Dates (and Have Fun)

See how an economist dates in the Planet Money podcast episode titled Choices & Dating. Skip ahead to the 5:30 mark for the systematic dating conversation. The two main ideas to apply are opportunity cost and sunk cost.

Read Modern Romance

Regardless of what you think or believe about Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg, the co-author, is a professor of sociology and Modern Romance is full of useful data, anecdotes, and analysis. The book investigates how technology affects dating and finding a partner.

Ansari's humor isn't funny, but it wasn't distracting either.

The content is not surprising, but it's worth reading. The book is soft science and relies heavily on polls and interview. One finding that stuck out ti me was the behaviors and differences between sexes online. Guys send out lots of messages, and women don't (not surprising). A guy will send out the same shallow copied and pasted message to 10s-100s of women. And Women will receive 10s-100s of the same shallow messages, many simply a "what's up?". Knowing treads could help a guy write a sincere stand out message, or help a woman get less frustrated from shallow messages.

I don't remember if the book references The Paradox of Choice, but it applies the same dilemma to dating.

The cultural differences between the countries mentioned are interesting.

It's a good read for anyone.

Math Solves Dating

The speakers has three tips: 1) being good looking doesn't make you more popular on dating sites (determined by messages received); 2) Optimal Stopping Theory,reject everyone you date for the first 37% of your dating career then keep the first person better than everyone you dated in the first 37% of your dating career (some risk involved); 3) has to do with divorce...

Conclusion

Here is my unsolicited advice (the worst advice, but I'm invested into the blog post) based on zero online dating experience, little dating experience, and being in a relationship the last decade. This is what I would do if I knew what I know now when I was single.

1. If you're interested in the person meet them as soon as possible..
2. Have fun getting to know your date on the date.
3. If you like them go on another date, if not reject and repeat step 1.
   
4. If you go on a 3rd date, go to a social gathering (pending pandemic).
   
5. Reject everyone for "reasonable and rational determined period of time period"* while you: 1) grow as a person; 2) learn about yourself; 3) fine tune your wants and needs in a partner; and 4) learn how to date while being yourself.
6. After "reasonable and rational determined period of time period", continue steps 1-4 until you meet someone better than everyone you dated in the ""reasonable and rational determined period of time period."
7. Ask "the person better than everyone else" to be your partner.
8. Learn how to be in and maintain a healthy relationship.
9. Never buy a used car or a used dog without a thorough test drive.

 

*"reasonable and rational determined period of time period"- decide this time before you start. Share with at least two reasonable and rational people. I would shoot for late 20s to early 30s or at least a couple years.